No need to sugar coat it, I lost roughly $18k in this series. Did I play poorly? In some spots yes. In my posts I want to be honest, with everyone and especially with myself. That is why I share my journey. I am not perfect, I am not great, but this is my journey of trying to get there. Mind you I played great in some events too only to lose to some 15-18 outer misses, got outdrawn vs 3, 2, 1 outers... but they don't affect me.
Coming into this series I was struggling with another loss. I booked a $11k win in TMTC but I made a mistake that led to a loss of profit that was about 20-30 times that. (and still counting) So throughout the series I was carrying a huge rock on my back, being really hard on myself on making such an idiotic mistake. I am sure it affected my play until it was day 5 or so I felt that I have to address the issue straight on. And even on day 8, I seek professional help.
$18k is a lot of money. Not too long ago, this would have been about 1.5 years salary for me. But I am thankful I am in a position now to lose this amount and still feel okay about it. This also marks my biggest loss at a tournament series. Losing big is not new to me. I have had bigger cash game swings than this in one day, but coupled with my other loss it felt like I was suffocating under the pressure.
However, it did not break me. If anything it lit a fire in me to make some changes. These are some of the realizations I had and things I vow to work on.
1. Seek professional help when needed
Sometimes you can't fix something that you don't even know is broken, or how it is broken. There is no shame to ask someone better than you on the matter for their help. Grant Gardner has helped me a lot without asking anything in return. I consulted other guys who had similar experience as well. Appreciate having great friends like that.
2. Improve my table presence
I don't want to share too much but I'll just say, with my involvement at MPF, I feel I am often distracted on the table, having to attend to so many matters and people. I don't mind it, but I need to find a way to refocus quickly and not be affected.
3. GT-Oh My Goodness
As much time as I have put into learning GTO, I am still so unprepared in so many spots. I have been focusing on studying post flop 20-30bb, but I realize I have so many other leaks in other spots too.
4. Setting a study schedule
Because of my stuff, my study time has been "whenever I have the time and feel like it". But I know that it is far from ideal. I need to set a schedule for my preparations and study, and stick to it.
5. Exercise more
My wife will love this part. For my age I feel like my health is pretty okay. But if I am consciously pushing myself to improve, improving my health and body should be part of it. Not only getting fitter, but also breathing exercises, posture, etc.
6. Share with others rather than keeping it to yourself
Instead of crying about losing $300k, I tell my friends so we can all laugh about it together. Not everyone is mentally strong enough to get laughed at, so this may not be for everyone. But for me, it was better to let it out than beat myself over it alone.
This trip wasn't all doom and gloom. I did get two ITMs and even one FT. But goes to show, Hendon Mob is just like Instagram with filters. You see the best highlights of people's lives but you don't see the tears, struggles and even losses behind. With me and my blog, you get everything. Wins, losses, ups, downs, because I want to keep it real. Had a few really great gatherings with MPF guys and gals, made new friends and caught up with old ones. Happy to see some of my friends do well. Next stop Pokerstars Manila in about a week's time. Time to put in more work!
