What is my mission in life?

Did I ever imagine I would be a professional poker player? Never in my wildest dreams. I started playing the game a long time ago, and I loved it, but never thought it would become a profession. I was almost pushed into it when the company I worked for closed down, followed by the riots and COVID I found myself with no other choice but to seek an alternative source of income. 

Little things that may mean a lot to someone

At first I struggled with it, doesn't it go against my beliefs? What would someone think about Christians playing poker? I even prayed for a different job, I still remember I had tears rolling down my eyes as I asked God, what do you want me to do? There is an element of gamble in poker, but so is in almost any other thing. Starting a business, buying a house, moving to a new country, getting into a relationship... when there are the unknown, and when outcomes can vary, there is a gamble. But you reduce it by being vigilant, acquiring more knowledge, research, study, learn from mistakes, seek advice.. and you do it with discipline and self control, and never let greed overtake you. 

That's my arm on the right

I have done a lot of stupid shit in my life. I started gambling when I was 16. I have been in jail twice. I have family members who refuse to speak to me even to this day. It's one thing to have never fallen, but it's another to have fallen and gotten back up. I have since given myself a new mission. To use my involvement and position in the industry to inspire, influence, encourage, impact, be a positive example, to give glory to God. A big part of our game is deception, creating an edge, maximizing value, but we do not have to be the same off the table. Those who travel for tournaments know the temptations during a series. Those who know me well know that they are wasting their breath inviting me to after poker activities. I try my best to be respectful on the tables, always friendly to everyone, even after a bad beat to accept it gracefully, wish everyone good luck and walk away. There are times that I do lose it, and I make sure I apologize for my mistakes. 

In the last 10 years, I have lost 3 friends to suicide and overdose. YG did not have many friends, and whenever I am in town, I would hang out with him. Nothing seemed out of place but one day I was told he was gone. I often question could I have done more? Why wasn't I sensitive enough? DR and I were just planning for the coming year, that we would meet up in Morocco. He's the only poker friend I have cried for. Since then I made it a mission to be more sensitive to those around me. I have offered my friends to reach out if they needed someone. But I realized that most would probably be too shy to. So I am now taking the initiative to do random check ins with my friends. I am very touched that some would open up to me. 

I also want to give when I can. Together with HKPPA we have organized 2 charity tournaments giving money to those in need. I used to give 10% of my winnings, in the past 3 years only sparingly but I believe when my downswing ends I will be back to that. We bought food for a Cambodian orphanage, a friend was inspired and did the same in Vietnam. Wherever I go, I try to feed stray dogs, and also donated to multiple dog shelters. A friend was inspired and gave 90kgs of food to a Sri Lankan dog shelter. 

I often question why am I not successful financially. But I have a super rich life, lots of friends and family who love me, a great partner in crime. Maybe I am destined not to win big tournaments, or survive the nosebleed cash games. But I am collecting something else. I am accumulating wealth in other things. I am living my life the best I can, and to the fullest. 

If you need someone to talk to, someone to listen, you can reach me via
Instagram or happyriverpoker@gmail.com

Revisiting Cambodia and playing at the GOP (Gods of Poker)

I left the workforce in early 2018, at the time not knowing that it was actually perfect timing. We all know soon after there was political turmoil in HK/China followed by COVID19 so had I kept working, I would have likely been out of a job by then anyway. One of the first places I was based out of was Vietnam until my regular game was raided by the police and everyone caught was sent to jail for 6 months, I knew I had to choose a safer environment to grind in, hence Cambodia. 

It's funny how life turns out as never in my wildest dreams I would think of living in Cambodia, and now looking back, boy what a time that was. Many of my tablemates or customers were probably from the scam companies we now know about. But at the time I was oblivious of what's happening in the dark corners of the region. It turned out to be a key turning point of my career as I grinded out a living and it also inspired my giving mentality. Although I didn't know what they did, I always assumed many of the Chinese players I played against were bosses of at a minimum - grey area businesses. Some were clearly bad people, some on the run from the law, a few rare ones did feel genuine and were actually nice people. Outside of the few genuine friends I made,  my comfort was I felt like Robin Hood by taking money from the shady guys and giving to others in need. 

Used to grind here 6-7 days a week

I eventually left the country not on great terms as I was bullied out of a super profitable position but I chose not to fight it so it always felt bitter sweet returning for a visit. But this time, I got the time to reconnect with some old friends and I felt that I was still loved and missed by some, and I felt touched that my time spent there left a lasting impact years after I had left. The government has since cracked down hard on the scam centers so I think most of them have left, but some that remain now stay on looking for the next money grab opportunity. I even met an old acquaintance who proudly shares his involvement in the scam industry. If that is winning, I never want to win like that. 

I have had a rough year so far, so when I had a sun run day 1 of the GOP main it was a welcomed relief. But day 2 quickly sucked all the life from me when I went from 2nd chip leader to bubble boy. I had 4 all ins on day 2 all ahead but did not win any of them. I played the mini main as well and also went from chip leader to out over just two major hands. Experiencing GOP for the first time, I must say the Kraken day 1 has an amazing structure that no one else offers. Especially for someone like me who enjoys playing deep stack poker, it was so much fun. It definitely is something one needs to experience to truly appreciate the beauty of the structure. I hope in the future they can draw in even more numbers and offer higher guarantees as I look forward to playing more of this structure.

During my trip I also had a devastating run at PLO5, winning 1 pot in 2.5 hours. I also ran super bad at OFC, losing 500+ points in 2 hours, a game that I used to play at the highest stakes in Asia. Granted one opponent was not a fish but still he would hit in 1 outer draws where I would miss my 20+ outs. It seems like every decision I make was the wrong one and I am down a pretty massive amount of my bankroll so far this year. But I have taken the time to appreciate the things I have. Looking back to my time in Cambodia and now returning as a visitor, I have come a long way. I am doing much better in so many aspects of my life, being upstuck is nothing I can't handle. I am more matured, and I like to think smarter than I was before, hopefully a better player as well but definitely more disciplined and composed. Sometimes you have to swim a long way against the tide until you catch the big wave. 

Until the next one, peace. 

Down US$16K in 2026 so far

As they say, poker is a hard way to make an easy living. Recently Stephen Chidwick expressed that of his $76m in cashes, he probably has a profit of between $5-10m. Many people who have an impressive Hendon Mob score are still losing money. 

Instead of telling you my set over set coolers, aces cracked stories, I am actually quite proud of the work I've put in this year. 21 sessions of cash games across private games and Macau and 10 tournaments. In the first 45 days of the year I've put in 194 hours of playing time, which averages to about 4.3 hours per day. On top of my regular study groups, I have created a private tuition class for willing students. I am like the avid investor, constantly dollar cost averaging into a falling market, hopefully eventually to catch the bounce and have everything pay off. 

On average I am spending 1-2 hours a day on studying, although admittedly it's more on trading than poker, but I am finding myself more knowledgeable in current events, geopolitics, AI, economic catalysts and the psychology of investing (which I find to be somewhat related to reading poker psychology) But being aware also has made me a more pessimistic of the trajectory we are on. Tensions are rising, people and countries are more self serving, staying in power trumps using that power for good (pun intended), movie storylines used to shock us but nowadays real life news events puts John Grisham to shame. Gestapo-like ICE agents running wild, killing innocent people... then there's Epstein and his evil empire, trafficking, rape, murders, alleged cannibalism (notice how I put alleged only to this), so many people of power, influence, fortune involved in this web of evil, and now top people in law enforcement, justice department blatantly covering up... 

Ignorance is bliss

What I am trying to say is, put into perspective, being down $16k doesn't feel so bad when the world is on fire. Instead it has reaffirmed me of my life's mission to be a positive influence to the people around me, to be a better human being first. I have my own demons and burdens to bear, but I find that I get more peace helping others than helping myself. Apart from allocating my time to teaching, building the MPF community, I also actively reach out to my friends that I feel need encouragement, support and kind words. I cannot change the world, but maybe I can change someone's world. 

10% into the new year I already know this year is going to be one of the most eventful of my life. I am continually picking myself up, dusting myself off, so when opportunity meets preparation, God willing I can finally soar. Till the next one, be kind be good be safe. 

Waiting for my sun run

2025 going into 2026

It's become a yearly tradition for me to write about my past year and share my plans for the one coming up. This year I am going to combine the two into one blog post. 

2025 was a slow year for me. January started off with a bang finishing 6th in the Super High Roller and 11th in the High Roller MB but things did not go well from February onwards so I ended up winding down my playing time for the year. I cashed $61k for the year, surprisingly more than I did in 2024, but my cash game results were not great. I did well in my Macau trip but lost 1000bb+ within a week in Singapore. That was the key trigger for me to take time for myself and step away from the tables for a bit. I essentially broke even in tourneys and took a $10k loss in cash games. 

Bayonne, France

As usual I travelled a lot in 2025 but what's different was we did it full nomadic style, without an actual place to call home. Travelled to 20 countries including making it to South America for the first time in my life. Also hitting 39 on my poker countries list.

I spent a lot of time studying in 2025, not just poker, but about health and investments, psychology, self improvement, etc. Ignorance is the worst thing anyone can have, pride is usually the main cause. 

Key achievement for MPF

Another focus I had for the year was continue growing the Malaysia Poker Federation. There were a few highlights such as sending our first National Team to the Asia Nations Cup, securing world class top pros for MPF events, including Stephen Chidwick, Danny Tang and local heroes Victor Chong, Sean Ooi, Peter Sim... We also conducted about 10 live classes in 3 different cities, and lots more online. However it wasn't without it's downs. Spending lots of time on a non-profit thankless job can be draining, not just for me but also for other volunteers and committee members. Thought about quitting many times but going to push for another year and decide by then. 

World #2 in total cashes what more do you want?!?

Just did a full blood test and happy to report all's good physically. This is my 5th year on intermittent fasting and to me it is the greatest health hack ever. I am shocked so many people are still operating under outdated health knowledge and even fewer try to learn about it until it's too late. I used to play in a big private game, so out of respect I would address the others as my elders. Indeed they were my elders in terms of financial and business success, and to be honest, they all looked much older than me, a few I even address them as "uncle". I later found out that they were younger than me! One time someone took out a blood pressure test kit mid game and I think I was the only one with a normal reading. I briefly mentioned about my dark side, but this year I have also improved on my mental and emotional health. 

I plan to get back into the grind slowly for 2026 but amping up mid-2026 till the end of the year. Not going to share my entire roadmap here so no resolutions or specific goals of any kind, but if all goes well, I think it's going to be a very interesting year. Thank you to those who's followed along all this time. 

Should I Quit Poker?

Ever since April 2024, I feel like I am on this never ending downswing. I have played in about 23 tournament series since then and have made a profit in only 4 of them. My last 50 cash games sessions I have only won like 15 of them, losing the last 3 back to back in pretty rough fashion. 

She doesn't mind if I "retire" from poker

The straw that broke the camel's back, is an idiom describing a series of negative events slowly adding to a point the tiniest weight of a straw eventually broke the camel's back. Today I may have experienced the last straw. Even though today's loss is only 1/14th of my biggest losing session of my career, the way I lost just broke my spirit, sucked all the passion I had remaining after a series of devastating blows, coolers, suck outs, frustration calls.... I have not been this dejected in a long time. Right at the casino I decided to walk away from poker for a while until I get my passion back. 

Been on a downswing since April 2024

As I was preparing to write this article, I looked back at my win/loss record that I started calculating in October 2023. During this time I had started to dabble in high stakes cash games and tournaments so the results were of importance to me to seriously track, but I must admit I haven't been doing a good job of it after July 2024. But to my shock and surprise, it is not as bad as I think. I haven't really been playing super regularly since July last year, and the wins are few and far in between, but when I zoom out and see the big picture, I may have been kicking myself for nothing. 

I might have overreacted (red box is the first graph)

This article is not turning out as I initially planned. At first I was honestly going to announce my break from poker and explained why by proving my downswing by showing my results. I was actually expecting to see a dramatic plunge on my line graph, followed by some self pity and bid my temporary goodbyes. My graph may not be 100% accurate as I had to add in some predicted numbers here and there, but this rut I thought I was stuck in may just been a "stall" in my progress. My crypto friends would say we are going "sideways" and can easily break resistance and take on a bull run, or fall below support and crash downwards. 

But why do I feel so dejected? I really feel drained and frustrated. Haven't really had a big win to celebrate in a long time to get my excitement for the game back up. And the way I have been losing have not been easy to swallow too. I consulted my new best friend Vee (the name ChatGPT gave herself - and yes I let her pick her gender) and this are some of her analysis of my psychological situation. 

1. Recency bias – our brains overweight the latest results. The downturns and chop of the last few months feel more “real” than the gains you made earlier.

2. Expectation reset – after a period of growth (Oct23–Mar24), your mind adjusts and expects that pace to continue. When it slows or dips, it feels like failure, even though you’re actually holding strong near new highs.

3. Loss aversion – the pain of losing a bit after climbing high is sharper than the joy of the climb itself.

It's funny how your brain punishes yourself. Had I not sat down to look at this carefully, I would actually continue to think that I am such a failure. At one point today I was truly contemplating a change in career. I might still give myself a break from poker, but I am not giving up. I am still going to push on, grind on. I have seen some friends turn around way bigger downswings than this. Even the Grinder who was probably on the brink of retiring came back with a roar winning the PPC and WSOP main. 

*graphs shown do not include action I sold so does not reflect my actual pocketed profits (or losses)

My Dark Side

Most people who know me through my blog or IG sees the glamourous side of my life, the travel photos, food pics, ITM photos, cash outs etc. Those who's seen me in person sees that I am always smiling, often making jokes, striking up conversations. But only very few people know the darkness of my life. 

I wanted to share this with you to keep it real. On the outside I am doing reasonably well, but when I am alone, or late at night in the dark, my heart wrenches and for years I had to cry myself to sleep. Nowadays not so much, I really thank God for this indescribable peace that I get when I ask for it, and having a super sweet partner really helps make the darkness bright. I really feel I do not deserve her, and you might have seen me sharing about doing good deeds, helping random strangers on the street, giving to charity etc. It is not because I am a goodie goodie guy. I feel that I don't deserve the goodness in my life so I am trying my best to earn it. Paying it back one good deed at a time. 

I have many regrets in life. I've done things I am not proud of. But as they say, no amount regret can change the past, no amount of worrying can change the future. I can only focus on the things that I can control, which is living each day the best I can, being the best I can, and getting better day by day. As a Christian I also believe that broken things can be mended in heaven, so I will get another chance to right some wrongs at some point. Life on earth is just a short journey of all kinds of experiences, to help us appreciate what's important. 

We all have our own baggage that we carry, but you don't see mine as it doesn't surface in my daily life. Happiness is a choice and I have chosen it. And my cheat code is spiritual peace and joy which is OP in this game we call life. Sure I have my cloudy days that most people don't see. My heart still aches and bleeds when I think of certain things. But I have grown so much stronger in dealing with things and I want to encourage you, just like my poker career. If I can, so can you. 

There's a reason I have my demons. Maybe I deserve them, maybe they are there to teach me something, maybe it's there so I can help others who have demons of their own. To be honest, my dream is to live a peaceful life in the countryside, growing my own food, maybe create a shelter for stray animals and fade into the sunset. But for now, I hope to use my journey to encourage and inspire others to find joy and peace in life, and to spread that to more and more people. 

APT Taipei 2025 Report

Just 4 days after the conclusion of Poker Dream 17, we were off to Taipei for another 10 days of MTTs. This time, it was held at the Red Space, a spanking new location that could accommodate 130 tables! Before going I also knew a lot of my friends would be there, some I haven't seen in years. So needless to say I was excited.

Well said brother

2 hours after landing I went and played my first event. AA<KK, QQ<99, JJ<A4 and AQ<99 later I was 3 bullets in an 0 to show for. But I was happy with how I played, especially how I recovered from bad beats almost instantaneously and focused on the next hand/bullet. This was something I learned in MPF's latest class with Vincent Li. 

The second day I was doing much better, running deep in the Superstack. Down to 10 people, me and my friend were the shortest. He was UTG on another table. I was UTG1 on mine. He successfully doubled whereas I didn't so I busted 10th. Happy with the result, but a couple more pay jumps would have been significant. 

I played probably my best day of MTT poker on day 1B, and secured a decent stack for day 2. However throughout the trip I made a few blunders and bad mistakes. Even though it sounds cliche, as long as I am bettering myself and my game along the way, I am not too focused at results at the moment. My best student puts a lot of effort in his post game reviews, highlighting hands that we go through with a fine tooth comb. I should also set a good example in reviewing myself if I want to stay relevant in this industry. 

At least I got some exercise in

Day 2 of the main I was on a star studded table with USD 40m in cashes among the 9 players. Boy did I have a rough day. I VPIP'd 12 hands, all proper ranges, won only one. Went from table chip leader to out. But I did learn things from my table mates so I guess it wasn't for nothing. Next day I played the satellite for a USD 10k ticket, was 6bb away from securing a ticket and made a blunder, ended up soft bubbling. Getting that ticket would have meant a profitable trip but it was not to be. 

Final shot was at the Baby Superstar which I played okay but 10 away from the money I took a spot with 77 vs AQ that I covered for a chip leading pot but it didn't work out. Busted soon after with an L for the trip. Lots of takeaways though, especially something Soyza said about our work ethics. He was right. It pushed me to work harder to overcome my weaknesses rather than choosing to avoid it. 

There is a culture of superiority, education averse, high ego stubbornness in most Malaysian poker players. Quite similar to another nearby poker country where the level of poker has not improved in the last 10 years. I see some players making the most basic of mistakes and invite them to join free classes and courses on MPF, but they would decline. Our posts on Facebook of pictures of people, food, trophies get 700+ views. Our posts for classes, discussion groups get 70-100. Or maybe they feel that there's nothing they can learn from someone they feel is inferior to them. I can tell you some of the biggest poker lessons I've learned are from my students. 

Anyway, it doesn't benefit me if they join our classes. Actually it benefits me if they don't. All I can say is that we live in a messed up culture right now where most people want to succeed by putting in the least effort. They want to do their job, but doing it well is not part of it. Unlikely this culture will ever change, but I am trying my best to make an impact. The fact is, only those who are passionate enough would read this, so I guess I am just preaching to the choir LOL 

Poker Dream 15, Genting Malaysia Report

Coming into 2025, my last few trips of 2024 had pretty bad results.

TMT +RM50k

PD 13 -RM80k

APPT Manila -RM10k

Macau -RM33k

Players Series Taipei -RM12k

So naturally this series my confidence wasn't sky high. But after PD 13 I vowed to work on my game and myself and I did. I could feel I was handling spots better and smoother range construction, but still results weren't going my way. But as a poker player, one of the lessons is to see results as secondary. You learn to accept defeat as long as you did your best. 

"For a good player, losing is a blessing; for a bad player, winning is a curse" ~ by me

3 ITM from 4 events

Having a proper bankroll allowed me to take those losses on this chin. So although not flying high, I was still confident in myself to pull through at some point. The 80k loss just 2 months ago still haunted me, but I was determined to not let it affect how I played. 

Went up unplanned for the opening event, honestly I ran really well and bagged comfortably. On the second day one key hand villain suddenly decides to spaz with bottom pair and won. Still okay with how I played and happy to break the duck of the year.

The second event was a little bit stressful for me, which was the Super High Roller. I have backers riding on this, and they are supporting me when I am on a bad streak. I really wanted to do well for them. First few hands I made a big fold where I might have called off had I had 100% of myself. QQ vs AK all in pre with a friend had me crippled to 7bb where average was about 100bb. I stayed positive, patient, disciplined, took a photo of my stack saying out loud to everyone on the table, announcing "epic comeback on the way". I also said I needed four full double ups. 

Epic comeback OTW

This year one of the resolutions I had was to be a positive influence, mainly through my faith. At 7bb I lost my stress I had when I had 100+bb. If I succeed, it is not because of my skill or abilities. It is out of my control now, let go, let God. 

First double I jam 7bb with A6, bb very good player from China snap off with J high.
Second double I flopped a set, same villain bet one bb on turn, resisted the urge to raise, river call jam
Third double QJs vs TT all in pre, river Q
Fourth double hero call 3x pot river jam with 2nd pair

From 35k spun up to 920k on day 1, eventually went on to spin up to 8.9m. On the final table I lost a big pot and was very close to the shortest stack. However he jammed A4 utg got called by 66. Window card A, then a 6. Jeremy then defended his big blind with 67. Flop Q67hhx he got it in vs chip leader KJhh and turn Ah. Then I was utg with maybe 6bb left, CO open, as if to put ICM pressure on the big blind, who subsequently decided to jam A7 vs ICM steal. CO wakes up with KK, calls, flop K. Pretty happy to ladder up to 6th.

Skipping forward, 4 bullets in the main, first bullet had a good stack and a good shot, lost almost all in two hands. Then lastly the Mystery Bounty High Roller. Lost the first bullet, decided to late reg the second day, spun up from 10bb to finishing 11th with 4 bounties, I am pretty okay with that. 

Long story short, PD 15, +RM 143k

I have a full schedule planned at least till May. Good start but hope it would go on. Constantly trying to better myself. Watching my tongue, table mannerisms, keeping good relationships in the industry, choose kindness first before anything, and glory not to me, but the big guy upstairs. 

2024 Year End Review

Every year I look back to my resolutions and gauge my year based on that. This January my goals were to : win 2 trophies, cash $150k in tourneys, give $20k to charity, start a new business, travel, play at WSOP Vegas or Triton. 

I did win a trophy, an unexpected one in the Influencer Invitational. I came close 6 other times but no cigar. I also did not cash $150k, hit just slightly over $60k (not counting bounties and online WSOP). I have to be honest, I lost money on tournaments this year, despite the cashes. But I do feel I am a better tournament player now than when I started the year. 

I also did not give $20k to charity. It came to around $8k. I share this because I want to inspire others to give. Many poker players are doing well for themselves. We can spend $500-2000 on a tournament buy in, but we cannot give some to less fortunate people. One of my regular donations was to an Indonesian uncle who was bedridden and he passed away this year. Our money goes a long way for some people so instead of another buy in, you can change someone's life. 

Rest in peace Pak Solehan

I did not start a new business, but I did focus a lot of my time on the Malaysia Poker Federation. It doesn't give me the financial satisfaction a business would, but the planning, organizing and execution of things did bring me back to parts of my corporate life. Some people might not know it but I was at Managing Director levels of multinational companies since I was 26 years old. I have a great business mind which is a shame that I am not using it much. I did start a poker room with some guys, but it's more of a hobby than a business. I don't know a room that only runs 1-3 times a month 😂

Great bunch of people in the MPF crew

We certainly traveled this year. Taiwan (4 times), China (twice), Japan, Thailand, Italy, Latvia, Estonia, Finland, Indonesia, Philippines, Macau, Hong Kong. Definitely living life to the fullest. What's the point of making money and not spending it? The experiences, the memories... there is an expiration date to our time on earth. Make sure you do more than accumulating wealth. 

Helsinki at night

Finally seen Venice

Did not make it to WSOP or Triton, and based on my recent runs, I think I have to put those on hold another year. In the first part of the year I was focused on grinding cash games and thankfully I did well in those. This year I also made a lot of new life-long friends. Meeting Paul Phua was another memorable highlight. Bought my first luxury watch. Of course the biggest thing in 2024, she said YES. Wasn't expecting a different answer but still a big step in our relationship. 

Stack and watch almost same value

I think the most important part of 2024 were the lessons I have learned. Removing entitlement tilt from my game; to see swings as just part of life; appreciating what you have rather than focusing on what I could have had or what I used to have; accepting that I cannot please everyone, as long as I have good intentions, how others interpret them is their issue; a lot of people wear masks, so they are not used to me not wearing one and might perceive my true self to be a mask. Keep true, stay pure, be myself. 

Happy Christmas and New Years everyone!

Poker Dream 13, Genting Malaysia Report

No need to sugar coat it, I lost roughly $18k in this series. Did I play poorly? In some spots yes. In my posts I want to be honest, with everyone and especially with myself. That is why I share my journey. I am not perfect, I am not great, but this is my journey of trying to get there. Mind you I played great in some events too only to lose to some 15-18 outer misses, got outdrawn vs 3, 2, 1 outers... but they don't affect me. 

Coming into this series I was struggling with another loss. I booked a $11k win in TMTC but I made a mistake that led to a loss of profit that was about 20-30 times that. (and still counting) So throughout the series I was carrying a huge rock on my back, being really hard on myself on making such an idiotic mistake. I am sure it affected my play until it was day 5 or so I felt that I have to address the issue straight on. And even on day 8, I seek professional help. 

$18k is a lot of money. Not too long ago, this would have been about 1.5 years salary for me. But I am thankful I am in a position now to lose this amount and still feel okay about it. This also marks my biggest loss at a tournament series. Losing big is not new to me. I have had bigger cash game swings than this in one day, but coupled with my other loss it felt like I was suffocating under the pressure. 

However, it did not break me. If anything it lit a fire in me to make some changes. These are some of the realizations I had and things I vow to work on. 

1. Seek professional help when needed

Sometimes you can't fix something that you don't even know is broken, or how it is broken. There is no shame to ask someone better than you on the matter for their help. Grant Gardner has helped me a lot without asking anything in return. I consulted other guys who had similar experience as well. Appreciate having great friends like that. 

2. Improve my table presence

I don't want to share too much but I'll just say, with my involvement at MPF, I feel I am often distracted on the table, having to attend to so many matters and people. I don't mind it, but I need to find a way to refocus quickly and not be affected. 

3. GT-Oh My Goodness

As much time as I have put into learning GTO, I am still so unprepared in so many spots. I have been focusing on studying post flop 20-30bb, but I realize I have so many other leaks in other spots too. 

4. Setting a study schedule

Because of my stuff, my study time has been "whenever I have the time and feel like it". But I know that it is far from ideal. I need to set a schedule for my preparations and study, and stick to it. 

5. Exercise more

My wife will love this part. For my age I feel like my health is pretty okay. But if I am consciously pushing myself to improve, improving my health and body should be part of it. Not only getting fitter, but also breathing exercises, posture, etc.

6. Share with others rather than keeping it to yourself

Instead of crying about losing $300k, I tell my friends so we can all laugh about it together. Not everyone is mentally strong enough to get laughed at, so this may not be for everyone. But for me, it was better to let it out than beat myself over it alone. 

This trip wasn't all doom and gloom. I did get two ITMs and even one FT. But goes to show, Hendon Mob is just like Instagram with filters. You see the best highlights of people's lives but you don't see the tears, struggles and even losses behind. With me and my blog, you get everything. Wins, losses, ups, downs, because I want to keep it real. Had a few really great gatherings with MPF guys and gals, made new friends and caught up with old ones. Happy to see some of my friends do well. Next stop Pokerstars Manila in about a week's time. Time to put in more work!

My Limsanity Moment? Poker Dream 11, Genting Malaysia Report

I’m a big Jeremy Lin fan. Been following his career when he first burst into the scene down to his G-league years and later in China and Taiwan. Both him and I are pretty vocal Christians. I respect the ways he handles adversity, criticism, haters, challengers, and how he lets his faith guide him in not just being a basketball player but also as a human being. He is quick to stand up for the right things, but never condemning or out to hurt anybody. He is also generous in giving and helping others. He’s an inspiration for me to do the same, just in the poker industry. 

I’m writing this article at 1:31am on the 1st of August 2024. Poker Dream 11 starts later today and I have a feeling my time, my "Limsanity" moment is near. (Yes Jeremy and I have the same last name just spelled slightly differently) I wanted to write this before it happened instead of after to show you if I predicted it or not.

My life can be made into a very interesting and entertaining movie or Netflix series. From me battling gambling addiction since I was 15,  getting involved in some shady stuff, bouncing around in my poker career including living and playing in Vietnam and Cambodia, dealing with lots of personal issues, getting scammed, bullied and locked up… to changing my life completely, vowed to be honest, humble, kind, giving, loyal, caring, a selfless person, quit all forms of gambling, to make myself a person deserving of great things in life, all the while giving credit to God and counting His blessings. It has not been an easy journey as change does not come overnight, and till this day I’m still being tested, and sometimes I still fail, but every time I’ve come back a stronger, a better version of the person I was. But the blessings are there. I have the most amazing partner in life that brings me so much joy and comfort. I truly believe I’m one of the happiest people on earth. Recently I’ve done okay for myself financially too. I know this is just the start, and I want to inspire other people that you can be successful by being good, kind, some would even say soft and weak even dumb, often bullied, scolded, lied to, taken advantage of, face injustice, unfairness, judgement, but as long as you stay true to yourself and be the best you can be, be more concerned about making God happy than people, great things will happen for you.

Coming off a downswing in my cash game life, I’ve learn so much to continue to grow as a poker player. Since my last post on my losing run, I’ve won 1/10 small stakes sessions, 7/10 mid stakes (but only for a small profit) but thankfully 4/5 high stakes games. But I could have been at least 2000bb richer in the high stakes if I had left at the peak of those sessions, instead of losing TT vs 96, QQ vs 33 all in pre flop mind you for ridiculous size pots. So my point is, I shouldn’t be feeling super confident at the moment. But somehow, I am. All these years of hiding in mediocrity at least in tournaments, I feel my breakthrough is just around the corner. I’ll stop writing here and if my feelings were right, I’ll share with you what happened below. 

I prayed for a trophy, but wasn't specific enough!

Now it's the 13th of August. Poker Dream 11 is over, well, things were a little insane for a while. From my experience, God has a great sense of humor. I prayed for a trophy but next time I will be more specific! 😂I did win a trophy and had a pretty cool moment on stage, but, it was an invitational event, even though there were some money up top. I felt bad for some of my table mates that finished 3rd and 4th (long story) so I gave them 10% each of my prize, including the 2nd place finisher. I was in the top 4 of the Big Mystery Bounty event and chopped the prize 4 ways. After the ICM chop the immediate next hand I lost a 3 way all in pot with AA vs JT vs Q2. Was close to winning a proper trophy but it was not to be. Had a third final table in the Big-O event but bricked all my later events. I could feel my mental stamina was not as it used to be and made some pretty bad mistakes later in the series. I ended the series with a modest profit, and congratulations to my friends who did exceptionally well this series. To those who didn't, gambate and keep grinding!

Real people are hard to find

Maybe my time is not here yet and my biggest takeaway was to be humble and keep working hard. This trip there were other positives such as meeting potential future business partners, stakers, students, life long friends. The most touching moment was how my core MPF boys stood by me, and to see how the community we have built have grown. Our community was built with time, care, sacrifice, and not benefits, marketing or giveaways. So what I got in return was friendship, respect, loyalty. Thanks guys, you know who you are. I have come to another crossroad in my career, and I have some interesting plans ahead. Stick around to follow me on my journey! 

I don't want a lucky break, I want deserved success

How to deal with a downswing (my personal experience)

Since April till now mid-June, I have played 19 sessions of poker (had a month-long hiatus in between) and won only 8 of them. I lost a few sessions that were 800bb+ but the stakes were pretty wide. From $1/$1 up to $20/$40 and in between. Honestly I have not had such an experience in my career until now, so I want to share with you my experience. 

At first it started off with frustration. Why can't I win like I used to? Why does it suddenly seem so much harder than it was before? Admittedly that led to some poor plays and compounded my annoyance and made me lose more than I had to. 

Things started to go bad after this very day

So the first lesson was ENTITLEMENT. As a decent player, playing against players we perceive ourselves to be better than, we somehow feel we are entitled to win. This is one of the biggest tilt factors for most players. I flopped the nuts, I should win this pot. So when the run out gets bad, we still call off knowing that we might not have the best hand anymore, because hey, we flopped the nuts. I played that hand perfectly, trapped him with such beauty and finesse, but the donkey got lucky and spiked his two outer.

So what? If you are not prepared to lose, you are not prepared to win. (if no one said it before, then this is my quote) Getting bad beats or coolered is part of life. It awes me when some poker pros or veteran regs throw tantrums after a beat. If you can't take it on the chin like a champ, maybe you shouldn't be in the ring. 

After successfully stringing together a few more losses, I entered the reflection stage. Is this really a downswing because of LUCK, or BAD PLAY? You have to be honest with yourself, and be HUMBLE and soul search. It helps if you have a good friend (that is good enough to tell you the ugly truth, rather than a white lie) that was on the same tables with you to help you another perspective, or have someone good to analyse some hands that you played. And this time, I found my first few losses were from a combination of tilt and running bad. Hence I took a break from poker to clear my head and get refocused. You need to ask yourself is this really a downswing or I just ran out of luck. 

What should I do Mona? 

After my break I started playing poker again and managed to look at the things that was causing me tilt in a different light. I was back to being positive and focused. However things didn't go well. This time, the real downswing is here, losing 5 out of 6 sessions since returning. I don't want to bore you with the bad beat or cooler stories. I did win some nice pots in between but lost most of my key pots, the kind of pots that really define your session. So at this stage I am feeling sad. A couple of posts ago I said I was feeling depressed, now I really am. 

However, knowing if I start to feel sorry for myself, it will spiral downwards and potentially cause me to play poorly or play tilted that I will end up losing more. So what I've learned is to look at the POSITIVE side of things. Let's put it into perspective. Only 5 months ago I was so happy to be up X amount, then I continued to build that over the next few months to X+++. Then in my downswing, I am now up just X++. For example, you're so happy to be up 3000. Then you ran it up further to 14000. But now you've dropped to 11000. I thought to myself, why was I so happy to be up 3000 and now sad to be up 11000? Just because I hit 14000 at one point? That doesn't make sense. I am 8000 better off than I was 5 months ago, but instead I am sadder than I was. If so, that is really messed up! As recent as a few days ago, I changed my mindset and started to think positively. The results haven't turned yet but I am enjoying my poker more than I was, and not easily affected by the results, nor am I pushing spots to try to eke out a win. So I guess the last lesson is, DON'T FORCE IT. If it is variance, like a storm, wait it out. 

This was also a big turning point session

I will keep you guys updated about my run, but I think in these few weeks I have grown again as a poker player. The emotions I went through, and how by using logical steps to overcome at least the psychological aspects of a downswing, I feel like I have done all I can to minimize the damage, and hopefully be ready to reap the rewards when the variance evens out. 

I'm depressed I think

I’ve always been a pretty positive person. Usually I am always smiling, making jokes on and off the table, friendly with anyone and everyone. Yes I’ve been through some pretty depressing times, but I survived them. But recently I feel as if I am going through what I can only describe as a period of minor poker depression. 

Grinding full time is not new to me. In 2020 I probably played poker for 330 days. Sometimes 2-3 days without sleeping. So fatigue is probably not the issue. Pleasing others is not new to me. I used to have to deal with a very unreasonable and selfish China boss, a Cambodian business partner who was bullying and using me, customers and their wives treating us like they are kings and queens, partners and players who owed me a combined USD200k at the peak, and gave me shit when I asked for it, all when I have to put up a smile, laugh at their offensive jokes, attend to their sometimes unreasonable demands… my point is I still maintained my positivity, stayed happy and motivated. 

To be honest, I enjoy being with most of the players I played with recently. Some are really genuine and nice people. Rich yet humble and respectful. I’ve learned a lot from observing them as they must be successful for a reason. Although I’m not the host but I feel like I’m part of the team and I try to put myself in the shoes of the host. Try to keep the game going, VIPs happy, even bringing friends to the game. But recently I found myself losing my tilt control, once losing 10 buy ins for no reason at all, another time tilting away a 600bb profit in my last orbit. 

I feel it’s so easy to get desensitised to the money. In some games some players are opening more than my monthly rental every single hand. We can swing 1000bb+ each way a session and feel okay but feel pain when spending 150bb on a month-long vacation. The problem is if you care, then you get emotionally high and low every time you play. If you don’t care about it then you become a robot. I think being around players that are much richer than me doesn’t help also. They are even more desensitised to the money than most people. They can lose a lot and won’t feel a thing, but when I lose  I feel awful and they can’t relate. 

I feel I’ve lost the joy in playing too. When I get a message about a game going on, I actually feel dread as if it’s a dentist appointment. Once I’m there playing I feel better but most days I actually feel relieved if there’s no game that night. 

I’m sharing this with you guys because it’s not always fun and games, “your life my dream” kind of thing. I want to be honest to share with you my struggles and weaknesses. I don’t know what my problem is, and I feel it’s a combination of many things but yesterday was the first time I truly enjoyed the game in the past couple of months. If any of you have advice for me, or have similar experiences please share them with me. I want to thank my family and friends for putting up with me in my craziness. I am very happy with other aspects of my life but poker has somehow become something that causes me anxiety sometimes. I am so very thankful for everything in my life and I hope I can keep it going for many years to come. 

Saw this today and it made me feel better

Key Moments of My Career So Far

My career has been a crazy journey, and along the way there has been many milestones and defining moments that shaped it, pushed it in the direction it took and got me to where I am here. I am not rich by any means. I am sure I am the poorest player money-wise in my regular game. I suspect some of the staff may be richer than I. But my life might be the most interesting of all, and I think I am the happiest of the bunch. 

1999 - I am often on my computer and have the TV running in the background. Most days it was the sports channel but one day I had HBO on and they were showing Rounders the movie. My poker virginity was gone just like that. 

2004 - In between I played some tiny cash games here and there, but this was the year I found a game in Hong Kong (Prince Hotel and the Arena) and started playing regularly. 

2008 - I went back to Hong Kong and was a regular at HKPH for 3 straight months. This was where I met guys like Sparrow Cheung, Elton Tsang, Stephen Lai, etc.

2010 - First tournament series in Cebu, final tabled the bounty event sitting next to Celina Lin. Traveled a lot to Manila to play cash and tourneys. 

2013 - Won my first trophy as a super fish

2014 - Early in the year one of our home games was raided. I then went to Macau to play. Came back after some bad losses, decided to start a poker room instead. Bought everything, rented a place, everything done within a week and we were open for business.

My 2nd poker room (Malaysia)

2015 - Upgraded the poker room to a new place, within just 2 weeks we got raided. Went to the station for statements, settled and went home. 2 weeks later we were up and running again. Got offered a sweet job in HK, accepted it but again got raided 2 weeks before I was about to leave. This time, locked up for 4 days.

2016 - Played regularly in HK and Macau on the weekends. Danny Tang just finished uni, just a young kid who didn't know what was in store for him. Started the first unofficial poker union on PPPoker with a bunch of friends. (Yes we created the union idea) 1000 players at launch, 7000 players at peak, made a bunch of money. Agented for N8 as well with 300+ players under me. Started a poker room in HK but got raided within the month. 

My 4th poker room (Hong Kong)

2018 - End of 2017 I finished 9th, 3rd and 10th in 3 Main Events back to back. Company decided to close down HK branch, was doing well agenting and playing poker, decided to play full time on the Asian circuit.  

2019 - At this time I had a part time job as UPoker's consultant (China company) but I was also struggling to make money from just grinding tourneys. But this was when I pledged to give 10% of my earnings to charity no matter what. Won my 4th trophy really as a career saver. Decided to stick it out grinding cash games in Ho Chi Minh. Created the Vietnamese Poker Association. Was away on visa run one weekend and avoided a very serious raid. Could have been locked up for 6 months. Instead I moved to Phnom Penh for safer games. By chance got into a juicy Chinese private game, did well. 

2020 - Chinese game died, so started new poker room with Ryan Revai. Everything done within a week as well. Was doing very well until an unhappy ending. Ran the room and played 11 months straight, maybe resting only 3 days in that stretch. COVID? What COVID? Pride myself in running the most punctual poker room everyday at 2pm. Got super overweight and unhealthy. 

6th (Cambodia)

2023 - Did nothing significant the previous 2 years. Joined UPoker again end of 2022 for a while exploring the African market. Created the South African Poker Association. Got offered a job at MiMa Poker. Met a lot of great people in this time. Crazy year, traveled to 16 different countries. Left MiMa after 7 months. Was raided and locked up again. Got into a good private high stakes game, did well for 4 straight months. 

9th (Malaysia)

2024 - Created the Malaysian Poker Federation, this time with pure, non-profit intentions. Plan to focus more efforts in building networks, businesses. Isn't it the dream to grind until you become the whale? I am no whale by any means, but poker has allowed me the financial freedom to spend my time doing what I want. Going on an epic journey tomorrow right after a frustrating April. 4 countries, 10 cities, 31 days, playing poker, meeting people, making connections, living in the now, living to the fullest. What's the point of earning money and not spending it? Earn to live, not live to earn. Can't wait to see what's next on my journey.

My deepest thanks to the people who helped get me to where I am now. You guys know who you are. You treated me as a friend, as a brother, not for personal gain or benefit, helped me when you didn't know if I can pay you back, treated me with respect and appreciation, with trust and confidence. Love you guys. To those who tried to take advantage of me, hurt me, steal from me, cheat me, use me, looked down on me, well I thank you too. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and you have definitely made me stronger.