What happened in September 2020

In September I played a total 174 hours of poker, this time I had some Holdem under my belt. After playing PLO every day I do miss Holdem even though it is slower and more grindy. Unfortunately my results in Holdem was lacking but I still made a small profit for September. 

250bb and still a short stack

Can you believe I've played 1500+ hours of live poker in 2020? I guess I shouldn't complain that I have this opportunity but maybe I am close to burning out. Playing as a player is one thing but playing whilst hosting is another. I have been involved in 5 poker clubs but none as tiring and complicated as this one. I can feel the stress get to me everyday and it's affecting my sleep and health. But I didn't know that I was a workaholic until now. Even when I am "not working" I am. 

I have put on a lot of weight in recent months, because food has become my reward after a hard day's work. Plus I lack the energy and time to work out. Someone very close to me passed away in September and I find myself questioning my own mortality. I am not afraid of dying but I do not want my loved ones to suffer if I leave. Health has to be a top priority in the coming months and I am trying to work on my diet and maybe work in a small daily workout. 

One of my self rewards

Recently I have also been thrown into a tough financial situation. I find myself out a lot of money and unless things start to turn around for me, all may have been for nothing. But that shouldn't affect the giving mentality and helping others who need it more than I do. But it is becoming a bigger internal struggle as every dollar hurts, and my logic is fighting with my heart everyday. 

Sorry my posts have become more depressing and philosophical. I actually have so much to share but I can't at the present time. When I was in Vietnam I often thought to myself how I would write about the truth of my experience in Vietnam. But after I left, I have put that behind me and moved on. I say the same thing about Cambodia but maybe I'll look back and feel the same way.