What happened in October 2020

October was a rough month. My second losing month of the year and not a small amount too. So back to the drawing board and gonna have to grinding it back. When I last had a big losing month in May it took me 3 months to grind it back. 

Winning and losing is part of a poker player's life but if you ask me I don't consider myself a full time poker player anymore. I am not playing optimally, nor during optimal times, nor getting to select the games I want to play in. As a host I have other considerations other than winning, and most of the time I am juggling multiple tasks, stressing about the dynamics, answering messages, entertaining guests, it's hard for me to be playing mistake-free. Honestly I am happy breaking even if possible. 

My only big win of the month

This month has been the hardest for me not because of the losses, but of the drama and stresses I've had to deal with. So many things would keep me up at night and give me heartaches. So many of you have offered your concern and care after reading my posts. I am very touched and thankful. I am sorry to always share my problems with you guys but I also want to keep this blog as honest as possible. But poker life isn't as glamorous as most think. And the success rate isn't high either. First time in my life my body is telling me I have anxiety. I'm usually this carefree guy always laughing and smiling. I wouldn't believe that I have high anxiety myself. But the body doesn't lie. If you wanna know the details you can send me a private message. 

On the bright side, the club will be running our first tournament this Saturday. That should be lots of fun and laughs. I am looking forward to it. So far we have consistently ran a PLO game starting at 2pm without fail for 4 straight months. That's 120+ days in a row. I am really thankful for the support and care from our dear friends. We couldn't have done it without them all. 

After the session still hard at work

I was hoping to finally be able to take my first vacation in 8 months, maybe even sneak in some gym and pool time before work but my plans came crashing down. But I am not complaining. Years from now I would look back and enjoy the fruits of my labour. But when you're labouring hard you rarely have time to reflect and enjoy the process. However I choose to be thankful for the position I am in, in spite of all the shitty stuff I have to deal with.